Wednesday, December 7, 2011

On Writing: Eight Thoughts about Dialog

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1. Dialog needs to sound like real people said it, but not exactly. It’s more like shorthand for speech; every word must count for something.

2. Dialog attributives are what you use to show the readers who’s talking. Direct attributives show readers, directly:
    “I love to eat kittens,” Bill said.

Indirect attributives lead the reader to the speaker:
    Bill shrugged. “I love to eat kittens.”


3. “Said” is the best direct attributive; it’s been used so much it’s nearly invisible. Readers don’t consciously realize it’s there, but they understand what it means. “Asked,” “stated,” “explained,” etc., tend to take readers out of the moment, and remind them they are reading something. 

4. No one can laugh, cry, or croak words, so don't write something like “I hate you,” he laughed. (Also, see #3.)

5. Don’t use adverbs to modify your direct attributive, ie: “She’s dead,” Tom said, gravely.’ The words in the quotes show the mood; the adverb tells it. Showing and telling at the same time is like wearing a belt and suspenders to hold up your pants, and reveals the writer’s lack of confidence in his or her narrative voice.

6.  Don’t transliterate to create a foreign accent (or street talk); it’s irritating and often hard to read:
     “I lurve to eat kittons,” Bill said.

 Is it an accent, or can the writer just not spell? Try this, instead:
      Bill’s French accent was thick. “I love to eat kittens,” he said.

Pick a couple of words or phrases ( your character might use, and add them sparingly to his or her dialog to enhance the voice.
    Bill’s French accent was thick. “I love to eat kittens,” he said.
    “Are they really that good?” Sam said.
    “Oui.”
    “That means ‘yes,’ right?”
    “Oui.”

7. The comma and period always go inside the quotation marks.
    “I love to eat kittens,” Bill said.
    Paul shrugged. “I eat them, too.”

When using other punctuation, you don’t need the attributive comma:
    “You eat kittens?” Sam said.
    “Oh, my God, that’s so gross!” Benda said.

8. Avoid redundancy. Simplify. Often there’s a tendency to use a warm-up in dialog:
   “Are you OK?” Tom said.
    Annie rubbed the back of her neck. “I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me.”

That exchange would work just as well, if not better, without the “I’m fine.”
     “Are you OK?” Tom said.
     Annie rubbed the back of her neck. “He didn’t hurt me.”

 
Here’s a bit of dialog that came up in a writing-club workshop at my school:
    As Dexter saw A.J. and Piper out of the corner of his eye he spoke. “I’m fine,” he said firmly. He hoped they would take his words and go.
    “That is very good to hear,” A.J. said with a smile. He had the looks and charm of a conman. His smile made Dexter feel uneasy.
    “Not today.”
    “Whatever do you mean?” Piper asked holding back a smile.

Using the eight thoughts (and a few others), the students revised it down to something like:
    Dexter saw A.J. and Piper out of the corner his eye. “I’m fine,” he said. He hoped they’d take his word for it.
    A.J. smiled. “That’s good to hear.”
    The smile made Dexter uneasy. He shook his head. “I don’t need this today.”
“Whatever do you mean?” Piper said. She almost managed to keep her face straight.

And this one:
     “Sam!” Johnny’s eyes lit up as I approached his bench. I knew him well enough to know that his happiness was equal parts seeing me and anticipation of the bag of hamburgers and cups of coffee I held up. “Longtime no see.”

     Johnny’s illness was such that, even had we eaten breakfast together that day, he’d still refer to our time apart as a “longtime.” As irritating as it could be, it was still nice to be missed.

      “Professor Bell,” I answered, “what’s the good word?”

      “I’m still here and above ground,” he said and nodded toward the sack of burgers. “You buying?”

      “I am, but don’t expect me to shell out for fries.”

To:
    “Sam!” Johnny’s eyes lit up as I approached his bench. “Longtime no see.”
     Johnny was sick. Even if we’d eaten breakfast together, he’d still think it had been a long time since he’d seen me. Sometimes, it was nice to be missed.
    “What’s the good word?” I said.
     “Still here and above ground.” He nodded toward the sack of burgers. “You buying?”
     “I am, but don’t expect me to shell out for fries.”

 

7 comments:

  1. Would it surprise you that dialogue is my favorite thing to write? If, that is, I can stop talking long enough to do it.

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  2. My characters talk a lot. I’ll have to make sure they are following the rules. Sounded like it, but I’ll double check.

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  3. The words "said" and "asked" get old. I want to stop reading when I see them over and over and over...

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  4. I wouldn't dare to offer "rules" on much of anything, much less something as taste sensitive as writing/reading. Some will agree with my thoughts (Stephen King, Elmore Leonard); some will not. And so it goes.

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  5. You are right, in general, about "said." However, its use with EVERY quotation is too much. I taught high school English in a vo-tech school. The only way to get all the students to read a story was to read it aloud. In one story in our anthology, "said" was used with every quotation, and even my not-too-literary students were laughing about it by the time we got halfway through the story.

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  6. I take your point; that's one of the things that drives me a bit buggy about Jeff Lindsay's "Dexter" novels. I think the trick is to avoid becoming over-reliant on direct attributives, and use the indirect form where possible. If you look at the student examples (revised), there are only two saids in the first exchange and one in the second -- a total of three in eight lines of dialog.

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  7. Then there's the abbreviated "said" ... no he or she ... just said.

    Me, I don't like it.

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